This is -- how you say -- the goodness...

A PuPu Platter Post...

Overheard ---

or because she's been knocking boots - bumpin' uglies if you will...
you are too much...
I don't care if that didn't make you laugh - I am giggling like a school girl'...

Why are all my friends a holes?

Is it 'the holidays' yet? ---

I am off the entire week of Thanksgiving. In December my last day of work is the 19th and I don't go back until January 5th. It's one of the sweetest things ever.

Speaking of 'the holidays' ---

I am going to throw this out there. If anyone is thinking about something to get me for Christmas I have a suggestion. There is nothing I'd like more than a bidet. I'm not sayin' I'm just sayin'...

How not to motivate someone to go somewhere ---

So we are looking to fill an empty seat at a table for a wedding? Would you want to go?

That's how sad and pathetic people think I am. I am being considered for seat filling duties... I love it... = )

Links ---

Life of Reilly - Rick Reilly & Barack Obama play fantasy football...

I was watching this video and one of the comments said, "whorish but courteous lady in the St Louis area looking for a beautiful man who knows how to please a woman!" Just what every man is looking for.

Seemingly Excellent Opportunity for Generosity...

I have read about Kiva but admittedly don't know a ton about it. From what I have read though it seems really awesome. It is an opportunity to lend money (as little as $25) to entrepreneur's all over the world. The goal is to help them support themselves and -'empower them to lift themselves out of poverty.'

I am going to start reviewing some of the profiles and reading more about Kiva itself. I will keep you posted.

Random YouTube Video of the Day...

Bob Bell's New Book...

'Jesus Wants to Save Christians' ---

I recently finished Rob Bell's latest book. It is his third. The first one was s huge hit, while the second one, my personal favorite, didn't seem to be as revered as the first.

This latest offering was an interesting read. I am sure some will find it a bit controversial as Bell draws many comparisons to between the United States today and Pharoh's Egypt and later Solomon's reign.

If that becomes your focus I think you will miss what I took away as Bell's main point. He outlines it in this way -

"The Ten Commandments are a new way to be human, a new way to live and move in the world, in covenant with the God who hears the cry of the oppressed and liberates them. Everything about the rest of the commandments speaks to this newfound liberation. God is inviting, God is looking, God is searching for a body, a group of people to be the body of God in the world."

He goes on to say -

"Do you hear the echoes of Egypt in the command? if the begin to oppress on an individual basis basis, God says that when the oppressed cry out, "I will hear." The warning is sharp here: don't become a Pharaoh, because God acts against people like Pharaoh.

They are commanded, "Do not mistreat or oppress a foreigner, for you were foreigners in Egypt. Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan.... Do not deny justice to your poor people."

Bell revisits this theme later in the book -

"And now Solomon is building a temple for the God who sets slaves free... using slaves? This is a major moment in the Bible. In just a few generations, the oppressed have become the oppressors."

And again later -

"Solomon is using his massive resources and wealth to build military bases to protect his... massive resources and wealth. His empire building leads him to place a high priority on preservation. Protecting and maintaining all that has been accumulated is taking more and more resources as attention is given to homeland security."

"Is that maintaining justice and righteousness? Is that hearing the cry of the oppressed? Is that looking out for the widow, the orphan and the foreigner?"

Throughout the book he continues the comparisons of these kingdoms to the United States today. My focus was more about my 'personal kingdom.'

I don't have massive resources or wealth but a lot of times I focus more on protecting what I do have (money, reputation, image etc. etc.) than on the important things. Also a lot of times I don't hear the cry of the oppressed, look out for the widow, the orphan or the foreigner, because I am too caught up in my own stuff.

I found the book to be an interesting read & it served as a good reminder for me...

5th Grade Soccer --- It is FANtastic...

I helped out at a 5th grade soccer tournament today. It was a lot of fun & the kids were hilarious. It is one big cluster of kids following the ball around. They all start out in positions but as soon as the whistle blows everyone goes to the ball. It looks like a swarm of bees moving up and down the field

They can't always get their bodies to do what their minds are telling them to do. They'll see the ball coming, run after it, focus focus focus and then miss it when it gets there - too much entertainment for me...

Overheard at the game...
Nike sponsored the tournament and provided a free soccer ball to each player. After a team would lose they would get their ball and take a team picture. Most of the kids were more excited about the soccer ball than anything else. Here is a sample:

Kid 1 - We lost 6-4
Me - That's too bad. Did you have fun?
Kid 1 - Yeah - we got a free soccer ball.
Me - That's awesome.
Kid 2 - I scored all the goals.
Me - You scored all four? Good job...
Kid 1 - WE GOT A FREE SOCCER BALL!

I have a case of the Mondays...

Though my Mondays aren't the 'Office Space' Mondays. For years now Mondays have been the days where my life is going to change.

Sunday night rolls around and I decide that Monday is the day things are going to be different. Sometimes it is simple things such as, 'This is the week I am going to start eating breakfast at home, and bring my lunch to work every day,' 'Starting tomorrow I am going to get up and workout before work,' 'Starting tomorrow I am going to spend more time reading and in the Bible than watching TV & surfing the intertubes,' or 'This is the week I am going to actually start taking my drugs every day.'

Sometimes it is big things like changing my diet, sticking to my budget, stop being a jackass, volunteering more, going to small group, learning Portuguese etc., but no matter the change it is always going to happen on a Monday.

If you know me and my history with any of these things you are aware that there are about 4 years worth of Sundays where I've said one, some or all these things. You also know there are about 4 years worth of Mondays that start with good intentions, which usually fizzle out by Thursday. Now I make a good 2 week or several month run on something, but very rarely does anything stick.

Here is to another Monday. Maybe if I start these things on Wednesdays I'd have better luck...

Random thought for the day ---

I've watched a lot of reality TV in my day and I've made an observation. Often times when there is conflict one party says to another 'Keep my name out of your mouth.' I've been trying to think of a situation where I might be able to say that to someone, but I don't think it will ever happen. It makes me kind of sad.

These are five of the many videos I watched on YouTube this week. They are selected at random for your viewing pleasure.

Keith being Keith...

About a month ago I called B and told him that I might actually have a limit of how far my jackassery can go. I called him again last night and after Tuesday we decided there are no limits.

The main cafeteria in my building at work has been being remodeled for several months. It re-opened on Monday and there is a contest to name it. I have not entered a name but I have been referring to it as the 'Peach Pit.'

The CEO of my company is a Yankees fan and while I don't know how to rate him as a CEO he seems like a pretty normal guy. I've had 3 interactions with him. They went something like this:

1. We cross paths in the hallway and I give him the upward 'what up' head flick.
2. We cross paths in the hallway and I give him the downward respectful head nod.
3. I was on the elevator with him and two ladies. One of the ladies was holding a HUGE to go box of pasta. The elevator doors close and the CEO turns to the lady with the pasta and says 'Got enough pasta there?' It was hilarious.

I was noodling with a name for a cafeteria and for some reason thought about Yankee Stadium closing, which led to a thought about 'The House that Ruth Built,' which led to me connecting the CEO is a Yankees fan and his name is Russ, which led to the best cafeteria name ever --- 'The House that Russ Built.'

After some encouragement I decided to email him my idea. He emailed me back and said that he liked it.

'I didn't hear no bell. Get you son b because Mickey loves ya' ---

I've been having a bit of trouble getting out of bed lately. I've been waiting until the last possible minute to get up. I can get up, showered, dressed, ready to go, throw a Bagel-ful in my bag and be out the door in 17 minutes.

During that very last possible moment before I get up the dialogue from 32-36 seconds in the 'Rocky V' clip below goes through my head. I proceed to stagger around like Rocky does from 44-49 seconds on my way to the facilities.

I'm Almost Tired of it ---

Almost...

Thank you Deadspin & Daily Show... Most of all, thank you Cubs.

JON STEWART: Cubs fans are considered a subset of stupid?
JOHN OLIVER: Oh absolutely John. They’ve had a hundred years to figure out that what they want will never happen, and yet they still yearn for it.
JS: And that is stupid.
JO: Yes, that’s very stupid.
JS: Because the Cubs will never win.
JO: No, that’s right John. The Chicago Cubs will never, ever win the World Series. They won’t do it.
JS: They’ve made God angry.
JO: That’s right. That’s what I’m saying.

This and That...

I Love Kraft ---


I found these delightful Kraft Bagel-fuls at my local Dominick's on Sunday. Holy cow they are soooo good. Eighteen seconds in the microwave and then there is a party in your mouth. I have been enjoying the Cinnamon kind. There are four others available: Original, Strawberry Whole Grain and Chive.

I Do Not Like Kraft ---

On the other end of the spectrum is the Kraft Snackables Twists (not photo worthy). It is a cheddar and mozzarella hunk of string cheese and it is horrible. I was thinking 'it is Kraft, this has to be good.' WRONG... If you have rubber bands around your house, office or classroom eat those because they taste the same as this 'snackable.'

Pop culture lines of the week or so ---

ELAINE: New jeans?
JERRY: Yeah.
ELAINE: Still a 31 waist?
JERRY: Yep. Since college. Hey, Lena Small's on this list.
ELAINE: Lena Small?
JERRY: Yeah, that girl I was gonna call for a date, she was unlisted...and now here's her number.
ELAINE: Oh, you're not gonna cop a girl's phone number off an AIDS charity list! -Seinfeld 'The Sponge'-

'Look at me for the changes & try to keep up'... -Marty McFly Back to the Future-

'I've lived a full life, I'm just not sure it's meant anything'...
Some movie I've watched or book I've read in the past few weeks. I am unable to remember exactly where it is from.

Oh Ack ---

“I have abandoned my child! I’VE ABANDONED MY CHILD! I’VE ABANDONED MY BOY!“
- Daniel Plainview, There Will Be Blood

“Some people never got over Vietnam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. I guess I never got over Charlie.”
- Rob Gordon, High Fidelity

Suckers...

The Cubs ---

I am a recovering Cubs fan. Three and a half seasons sober - thank you very much. I love seeing Cubs fans getting what they deserve. They are the most annoying of all the fan bases in sports.
You can put them all in one of three categories.

Wrigley Field fans -

These are the people who wear Wrigley Field t-shirts, sweatshirts & hats. The White Sox or Cardinals could start playing their home games there and these people wouldn't even notice it isn't the Cubs. These are also the fans who fill the park in the middle of September when the team is 20 games out of first place. They wouldn't be Cubs 'fans' if they didn't play in Wrigley Field. They believe in the curse and think things like having a priest bless the dugout before the playoffs is a good idea.

Percentage of the overall fan base - 40%

Head in the Sand fans -

These are the people who think Geovany Soto is the National League MVP and Mike Fontenot & Reed Johnson are All Stars. They also predicted, ignoring 99 years of fail, the Cubs would win the World Series in June. More than likely they blame Steve Bartman for what happened in '03.

Percentage of the overall fan base - 45%

Real fans -

They are knowledgable about baseball and have a realistic view of their team.

Percentage of the overall fan base - 15%

Uncle Keith...

I found out yesterday that my sister and Joe are going to adopt. I am very excited about it. The news was very surprising. When I talked to her over the summer she said that they had decided not to adopt and The Great Bambino was going to be an only child. I am not sure why they changed their minds, but as I said I am very excited about it.

A second bambino or maybe a Great Bambina - Sweetness...