Collection from the Overheard Archives...

I used to have fantasies that my parents would get remarried and have hot step
daughters not related to me.

I am going to get into hip hop...Every time I hear it I like it...Its got the
beats that make me go BOOM...

You know how it is when you have a car full of pizzas - it's a sweaty ride...

#1: oh yes, i forgot there was a set up involved...
#2: I did not have a chance to go meet her though...
#2: I'm kind of glad - That would have been weird... I don't do well in those
situations...By 'those situations' I mean talking to girls...
#1: You are too funny...I am sitting at my desk laughing out loud...People think
I'm crazy

Why do you always have to talk about porn balls?

I am not a long term kind of gal...

It's not a bad thing to be in college & have Alyssa Milano knocking at your
door...
No kidding - when I was in college I was glad to have Di-a-Rhea knocking at our
door...
Please tell me that's going on your Blog...

Person #1 --- Do you want to touch it?
Person #2 --- Not again...

I am not dreamy enough to be a stalker...

I don't see a crease. I see a bulge but I am not seeing a crease...

Flannie isn't here. He can bone it up...

He's got his head in his thing because he has four ladies...

Maybe your group needs to be bi-sexual...

Stop! We need to have a bonding of the penises(us)(i) (not sure what the plural
is) right here right now...

I wanted to give it to her...

It must burn deep, deep in your loins...

Phone rings...
Person #1 - Who is it?
Person #2 - Booty call...
Person #1 - Isn't it a little early? It's only 9:00...
Person #2 - It's a Christian booty call. Gotta be done by 11:00...

I don't like what she's wearing...It makes her look too jugsy...

I go out of my way not to talk to white sweater...I don't even want to mess with
that...She'll ruin my life...

Person#1 - And you didn't even hit that...
Person #2 - Don't ever talk to your youth pastor like that again...

I am not sure how I feel about them teaching 8 year olds these pump and thrust
dances...

Keith, I mean this in the least gay way possible - I would love to watch The
Notebook with you...

I can't wait until you're 18 so we can hangout or ---- something...

I would put Helen Hunt's kids through college.

I think when you start writing checks to The Pace, you need to look in the mirror and admit to having a problem.

Person #1 - That guy was soooo baked...
Person #2 - Now that's community...

She didn't get any uglier...

Person #1 - Yeah, these four old guys came in tonight with this 16 year old girl...
Person #2 - I was going to call the cops but she looked like she was having fun...

From the Archives...

The other day I stumbled upon the original 'Keith Chronicles' that 'aired' from January of 2005 through April of 2007. I am going to share some of my favorite entries over the next few days...

Random Archived Overheard ---

K: Trump, we gonna rock that ganj at Dave on Thursday?
T: When in Rome...

'I remember you asking for two legs and a biscuit but I don't remember promising
you two legs and a biscuit'...

Random Archived Post ---

Fun with 'Episode III'... Originally posted 9/10/05...

Cast -Chancellor - Steinbrenner...
Anakin - Me...
Obi Wan - Shawn...
Mace Windu - Jim Hendry...
Yoda - Playing himself...

OBI-WAN: With all due respect, Master, is he not the Chosen One? Is he not to
destroy the curse and bring balance to the Cubs?
MACE: So the prophecy says.
YODA: A prophecy . . . that misread could have been.

Chancellor: Every single Cub, including your friend Mark Prior, is now an enemy
of the Evil Empire.
Anakin Skywalker: I understand...

Obi-Wan: You were The Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy and end the
Cubs' curse, not join the dark side! It was you who would bring balance to the
Cubs franchise, not leave it in Darkness!
Obi-Wan: You have allowed this dark lord Steinbrenner to twist your mind and now
you have become the very thing you swore to destroy...
Anakin Skywalker: Don't lecture me Obi-Wan. I see through the lies of the Cubs.
I do not fear the dark side as you do... I have peace, freedom and World Series
titles with my new Empire...
Obi-Wan: Your new Empire?
Anakin Skywalker: If you're not with me, then you are my enemy.
Obi-Wan: Only a Yankee fan deals in absolutes....
Obi-Wan: Anakin... My allegiance is to the Cubs, to those loveable losers who
own their own tickets scalping business and rip off their fans!

Merry Christmas...

A thrill of hope; the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn...

This King Burns for You ...

From PopCandy...

Today I opened a mysterious package in the mail, and now my desk will never smell the same.
Inside a black box was "FLAME," a new men's body spray from Burger King. Yes, it's true: The fast-food chain has released its own scent, and it comes with "the hint of flame-broiled meat."

Trust me, my cubicle has smelled like FLAME all day, and not one co-worker has been aroused -- especially not yours truly!

"I used to work at a Burger King in college," writes Pop reader BIG BUSINESS. "I smelled like FLAME a lot, and all it seduced was stray cats out of the garbage cans."

If you dare to try it (or just want to play a practical joke on someone), the fragrance is available for a limited time for $3.99. For more details, head to www.firemeetsdesire.com.

I hope you don't dream of this photo tonight:

A Tale...

There is a church in the area near where I currently reside (I'll call it Cypresslake), and it has small groups that meet in Palatine. I went on Cyresslake.org to find a list of small groups that meet in Palatine. I was unable to find a list, but I did come across the email address of the area pastor/small groups guy.

Armed with that information I composed a simple message that said, "Hi, will you sent me a list of small groups that meet in the area? Thanks, Keith" The reply I received said "Hi Keith, Why don't you join us at our monthly men's breakfast on such and such a date at such and such a time? Thanks small groups guy"

I am not sure if you caught that but there was no list of small groups that meet in the area, or any directions to where I can find the information on the internets. I've been around the church long enough to know that inclusion is an important part of how it rolls. I appreciated the info about the men's breakfast but my core need (a list of small group) was not met.

The invite to the men's breakfast wasn't necessary to get me involved. I was already interested in small groups. I don't need the hard sell at the breakfast to get me interested. If the small groups guy would have sent me the list I could have, potentially, attended a small group & the men's breakfast.

Now I feel as though this list of small groups is like the two free days in Orlando with Universal Studio tickets and the men's breakfast is the half day pitch about a time share I have to sit through in order to get those free days and tickets.

That is all...

Overheard -- Heisman Trophy Edition...

"It’s a sport, not a humanitarian award. By all accounts Tebow is a great human, but should we give him the Heisman just because Sam Bradford and Colt McCoy don’t circumcise Filipinos?"

Book It!

These are books I have recently finished with a short summary and my opinion on each. I am now off to Pizza Hut to get my personal pan pizza thank you very much...

Erwin Ralph McManus - 'Seizing Your Divine Moment: Dare to Live a Life of Adventure'...

I've heard many good things about Erwin's work. This is the first book of his I have read. The book centers around Israel's war with the Philistines, and mainly on King Saul and Jonathan. Throughout the text Saul is used to illustrate a life of apathy, while Jonathan illustrates a life of purpose. We, the readers, are encouraged to be 'Jonathans' rather than Sauls, and to stop waiting and start doing. McManus uses scripture and personal experiences and stories to drive his point home. I think it is an excellent read for anyone looking for a spiritual kick in the butt.

Stephanie Meyer - 'Twilight'...

Obviously I am not the target audience for 'Twilight,' but I needed to find out what all the hype was about. I'm also not a big vampire guy. With all of that being said I thought the book was okay. The first half of the book moved slowly and focused on Bella and Edward getting together. I could have done without a lot of the drama, and reading about how beautiful Edward is on every page, but I realize that is directed at the target audience. The book picks up steam when Bella meets Edward's family. I enjoyed that chapter along with next several. The most interesting part of the book to me was learning about the Cullen family, their history & interactions. I am undecided about reading the next three books in the series. There were parts of this one I really enjoyed, parts I didn't enjoy & parts I probably thought too much about.

Bob Smiley - 'Follow the Roar: Tailing Tiger for all 604 Holes of His Most Spectacular Season'...

How entertaining can a book about following Tiger Woods as he plays every whole of the season be? The answer is very entertaining and engaging. Bob Smiley is an out of work writer who decides to follow Tiger for an entire season. Smiley had very limited connections to the PGA and no connections to Tiger at all. He attended almost all the events as a fan with no special media access and paid his own way. Half the fun of the book are the author's stories about his travels and the people he meets along the way. The other half is his following of Tiger. Even though he never actually talks to Tiger he provides a lot of insight on his game, his relationship with his caddy & other excellent Tiger nuggets. I enjoyed this book a lot.

Randy Pausch and Jeffrey Zaslow - 'The Last Lecture'...

It is a great read and very inspirational. If you aren't familiar with the story I'll let Amazon provide the background -

"A lot of professors give talks titled "The Last Lecture." Professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. And while they speak, audiences can't help but mull the same question: What wisdom would we impart to the world if we knew it was our last chance? If we had to vanish tomorrow, what would we want as our legacy?

When Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, was asked to give such a lecture, he didn't have to imagine it as his last, since he had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. But the lecture he gave--"Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams"--wasn't about dying. It was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because "time is all you have...and you may find one day that you have less than you think"). It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living."

The book is all about his life, his family and how he is spending the last months of his life. He talks about how he gave that particular lecture so one day his kids could watch it, learn how to love and live life and also to get to know their dad. It is an incredible read and I recommend it to everyone. It took me about two days to finish. Randy's actual last lecture is available on YouTube...

This and That...

Fact -

I have a legal yet inappropriate crush on Taylor Swift...

The ole sports-a-roo -

Lane Kiffin has been hired to coach the University of Tennessee football squad. Even though he was 5-15 with my beloved Raiders I feel like he got the shaft, and think he would have been a good coach for them. I am going to support the Vols as long as he is there.

With the addition of Tennesse the 2008 combined record of college football teams I support (Michigan, Western Illinois & Tennessee) is 15 wins and 21 losses. If I throw in the Raiders the record moves to 18-31 - Ouch...

Interesting by Interesting I mean Huh? -

Did anyone else see these comments by Rick Warren?

Holiday Movie of the Day (Thank you Mr. Reynolds) -

'Rocky IV'

The movie was released on Christmas Day, & in the film the Rocky vs. Drago fight takes place on Christmas Day. Not only did Rocky single handedly end the Cold War during this chapter of the saga, but he brought an American Holiday Classic to our homes...

If you didn't believe me about that Cold War stuff here is visual proof...

Oh Ack...

“You DO think I’m beautiful, don’t you, Charlie Brown? ”

…

“You didn’t answer me right away. You had to think about it first, didn’t you?”

“If you really had thought I was beautiful, you would’ve spoken right up. I know when I’ve been insulted. I KNOW WHEN I’VE BEEN INSULTED.”

“Good grief.”

- Lucy and Charlie Brown, A Charlie Brown Christmas

Misc...

Fact -

Derrick Rose is the truth...



Watch the video with sound if you can. Stacy King going banana sandwiches adds to the play.

Holiday Movie of the Day ---

'Love Actually'

I saw it for the first time about 3 years ago and really didn't like it all that much. I have watched it a few times since, and have grown to enjoy it quite a bit. I understand this may be grounds for revoking my man card. I am ok with that. Those of you who know me realize it has been many moons since I've had it anyway.

I enjoy how all the stories are told and how they are intertwined. The scene with Billy Mack doing the radio interview is gold, and who doesn't love Colin's trip to America?

A Few Classic Scenes -